Eight Seconds
by drdawnffl
Summary: Rogue and Logan talk about sex. Then, they do it. A lot. My entry into the "I heart Rogan" Christmas Fic Challenge.
1. Chapter 1

Logan walked down the hall. The mansion was silent to everyone, everyone without super hearing. It wasn't the sound that kept him up, it was the sadness he sensed from her all day. He meant to talk to her about it earlier, but she disappeared. She held it together during the day, but now, close to one a.m., she was in her room sobbing into her pillow. So hard, she couldn't stop.

Logan opened the door and walked in uninvited. _He_ didn't need an invitation. It was one of the things about her that made him so comfortable. She sat up in bed. She didn't try to hide her tears. She reached for one of the many crumbled used tissues on the floor.

"What is it?" he said sitting down on the bed beside her. She buried her head in his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. "This isn't how girls celebrate their twenty-first birthday," he said.

"I'm not most girls," she said.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"I just did," she said. He didn't answer. He waited for her to continue. "I'll never have a normal life, a normal relationship. The older I get the more obvious it is, that's all."

His hand touched the back of her head and stroked her dark hair that fell several inches past her shoulders.

"I had a chance. And I blew it," she said.

He pulled her face back from his chest and stared at her. She wanted to look away, but he held her gaze. He was intense. Two years ago she wouldn't have been able to stare back at him. Two years ago she wouldn't have explained. She would have been too shy, too embarrassed. Things were changing.

"I had four weeks. After I took the cure, I could touch for four weeks without hurting anyone." Logan looked at the wall. "I could have had sex. I wouldn't still be a virgin. I had a chance," she said.

"And why didn't you?" he asked.

"Bobby was my boyfriend. I thought he would be my first, but he was completely freaked out by the whole thing and moving on to Kitty. I thought I had all kinds of time. I didn't know I would wake up one morning and it would be gone or I would have…done something. Different."

She was crying over a loss, a taste of a normal life she sampled, but didn't get to take home. She was also crying over the loss of her family, both her families. She had settled in at Xavier and gotten attached to people and the school, only to lose Jean and Scott. Logan knew all this without her saying it. He also knew, in a way, she had lost him. He couldn't be there for her after killing Jean. He maintained some contact, but stayed gone.

"You ever talk to Storm about this?" Logan asked.

"Once. She said, 'Sex? Overrated. You're not missing much'," Rogue said and smiled at him. "She believes it. But I know better. I have other people's memories. They wouldn't be so strong if it weren't special…in some ways."

She felt comfortable having this conversation with Logan. She couldn't have said these things a year ago. She was honest about her feelings, and Logan wasn't judgmental. Never has been. Protective of her, yes, but not judgmental.

"You're gaining control," he said. His hand brushed a lock of hair out of her face and his fingers touched her skin.

"Don't," she said and pulled away from his arms. "I can't when I'm upset. It's too hard." If she concentrated, she could fight her mutation for a couple of seconds. She had to focus. It was exhausting. She didn't feel like it was any kind of an accomplishment.

She still covered herself with long sleeves and gloves. Logan was the only person who made her take them off. He moved back into the mansion a few months ago. He still left sometimes for days, but he was working with the team, now led by Storm and Hank. Charles was present in a new body. That was odd, but people adjusted. Rogue thought back to a day a month ago in the garage. Rogue was watching him work on his bike, waiting for him to fix it, hoping he would ask her to go for a ride.

"Get me a beer, will you?" Logan asked.

She pulled one out of the cooler and popped the tab. He took it from her. Then, annoyed, he grabbed her hands and pulled off her gloves. He threw them down. "Will you get rid of these?" he said.

"I _have _to have them," she said.

He grabbed her hand and held it. He stared at her. Two seconds passed and she started to pull on his power. He let go. "No. You don't," he said.

"I'm not as dangerous to you. Incidental contact won't kill you. With the others, it might," she said.

"Don't wear them around me," he yelled. Then, he picked up something he was working on, something he had apart, that didn't appear to be going back together right. He calmed down and said, "I didn't mean to sound like that. It's just, when we're alone, you don't need them." He was looking at her. She nodded.

"I just…I haven't made any more progress. Feels like I'm holding my breath and no matter how hard I try, I can only hold it so long," she said. Her voice quivered when she said the last part.

"You think…maybe," he looked at her, "maybe you shouldn't try to stop it." She was several feet away but staring at him. "Maybe, you could work on turning it down," he said. "It's not a bad thing—the way you connect. I like knowing if you're hurt, I can share my healing. And I could touch you, without going into a coma, if it were turned down a notch. There's a way to do it." He continued working. He spoke as if it were a fact. She supposed it was a fact, to him.

She sat on the bed beside him now, wishing she had that power, wishing she could turn it down. Turn it down enough for him to touch her face without hurting. They were quiet. Both looking forward. She heard his voice. "I could have sex with you," he said. She looked at him. He paused, then said, "If that's what's bothering you…If that's what you're wanting…and you're sure you're ready and all."

"I'm ready," she said.

He laughed. "No, you're not ready." He held a tissue to her nose. "You're snotty."

She took the tissue and blew her nose. "Women I have sex with don't cry," he said.

"They do when you leave," she said.

"They cry more when I stay," he said. She laughed and dried her eyes.

"But when you're ready…" he didn't finish the sentence. Rogue felt her face and chest blush. She knew he could see it in the dark. She didn't care. She also knew he could see the big smile that she couldn't get off her face. She tried to look straight ahead and nod, like yeah, OK, I'm talking to Wolverine about having sex with him like we're talking about going to the movies. This is a completely normal adult conversation, she told herself.

"You think you could give me eight seconds?" he asked.

"Eight seconds?" she said.

"Yeah, dial it down enough, for me to have eight seconds to touch you," he said.

"Eight seconds?" she said.

"Can be an eternity. Ask any bull rider," he said.

"Well, I can work on that, I guess…but wouldn't it be better if you wore a condom?" she asked.

He started laughing. "I can be fast, Doll, but I ain't that fast."

"Oh," she said. She was embarrassed, but then again, how was she suppose to know what he was talking about. He asked for eight seconds.

"I'll wear a condom," he said. "And go longer than eight seconds."

"What's the eight seconds for?" she asked. He put his arm around her and pulled her in close. He leaned over and spoke in her ear. "So I can go down on you," he said.

"Oh," she said. "And that's…"

"I can stop for a second and restart, but yeah, that's enough time. More than enough. Make your toes curl. Hear you say my name."

She suddenly felt warm and tingly inside. She took a deep breath and the muscles inside her lower body tightened. She heard him sniff. She scooted back on the bed.

"Will you stay with me until I'm asleep?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. He took off his shoes and got in bed. He propped a pillow up behind him and sat leaning back against the headboard. She rolled on her side close to him, and laid her head on his thigh and her hand on his knee. An intimate but fitting gesture. He ran his fingers through her hair.

"Happy Birthday," he said.

He felt her smile. "Thanks," she said. "You know, you can sleep here…if you want."

He didn't answer at first, and then he said, "I'm dangerous…when I'm asleep."

"Not to me," she said.

He stroked her hair. "I'll stay until you're asleep."

After a minute, she said, "You think it would be weird…between us, if we had sex?"

"No," he said.

"You wouldn't see me differently?" she asked.

"I would be seeing a whole lot of you differently," he said.

"But would that…nevermind," she said. She was sleepy.

"It would change things, Marie," he said, "but don't worry about it now."

She didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day she woke up in bed with light streaming through the white silk curtains. Crinkled Kleenex remained on the floor. She thought about the night before. My twenty-first birthday and Logan offered to have sex with me. _Offered_ to have sex with me. Like it was a favor. She was in her room crying because she's the poor little girl no one can touch, and he offered her a pity-fuck _when she was ready_. She felt angry.

Then, she thought about how he stroked her hair as she was falling asleep and the heat she could feel through her gown when he held her. He was sweet last night, almost tender. It was Logan, just being Logan—trying to solve her problems, trying to make a kid stop crying. She was confused. Logan was making a trip upstate to pick up training supplies. She had thought about asking to go with him, but now wanted to avoid him. She needed time to sort through what happened. Her emotions and thoughts were all over the place.

Logan spent most of the day alone with lots of time to think. He did not question his actions, at least, his actions toward anyone but her. He marked Marie as his years ago, when he willingly shared a piece of his soul with her on Liberty Island. He listened to his instincts. His instincts told him to rip her clothes off and fuck her. And that was exactly why he had to do so much _thinking. _Where she was concerned, he couldn't trust his instincts. He fucked a lot, but not a lot of women he knew or knew well. Rogue knew him better than anyone. They knew each other. He should have kept his fucking mouth closed last night. All she wanted from him was his time, maybe a little attention. She wanted to be around him. It didn't matter what he was doing, how mundane the task, how stupid the movie, or what kind of god-awful mood he was in, she wanted to be with him. No one else was like that. So why isn't she here today, he wondered. He assumed she would ride with him. She normally did.

When he got back that night, she was watching TV in the rec room. He went into the kitchen, got a beer and microwaved some popcorn. He sat down beside her.

"How was your trip?" she asked.

"Fine," he said. He offered her popcorn. She took off her gloves and smiled at him. They sat watching the movie, eating popcorn, hands brushing against each other every now and then in the bag. She looked at him and smiled. She couldn't be mad at him, she realized, even if he offered her a pity fuck last night. And who was she kidding, she had jumped at the chance. He didn't mention it. Rogue realized that was how it was going to be. Tonight, both would pretend the conversation hadn't happened, but both knew it had.

Rogue did something different that day. She went to see Hank, to see if there was a way to turn or slow down her mutation. He agreed to check into some medical interventions. She asked him about birth control pills.

She saw him pause, like he didn't know what to say, then he slipped into professional doctor mode. He told her the advantages of birth control pills, then listed the side effects. He did these things like he was reading from a script. He told her that birth control pills could not protect another person from the effects of her mutation, but condoms should offer protection as long as all the surrounding skin was covered. She had to smile at that. He was trying so hard to act like he wasn't uncomfortable.

"Condoms can break," she said. Especially with big guys, she thought. "That's why I want to be on the pill. I haven't had sex yet…but you never know."

"Always good to be prepared, young lady," he said. Rogue blushed and smiled at the floor. This is like talking to my grandfather, she thought.

"You need to schedule a pelvic exam and pap smear on a day when the Nurse Practitioner is here. She handles all the gynecologic exams," he said.

Oh thank you, Baby Jesus, Rogue thought. The Nurse Practitioner was much younger and female.

He started to leave the room, but stopped. With his back turned to her, he said, "It's hard for humans and most mutants to understand what it's like for those of us who are really different, but we still have the same needs. Somebody special will understand that, Rogue, and make adjustments."

When she left the clinic there was a plastic bag waiting for her with a packet of birth control pills and condoms. Trojan Magnum XL. Guess he knows who they're for.

Twice a week, she worked with Charles, on controlling her mutation. A few years ago, she would have been desperately trying not to think about sex with Logan when talking to Charles about turning her power down. Now, she thought, I want to touch and it's obvious who I want to touch. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I want what everyone else takes for granted.

She ate lunch with Kitty and Jubilee. Neither were virgins. Jubilee was always telling stories. She wanted to ask her a question, but not in front of Kitty. It was hard because being in a relationship was so easy for them. She read about sex on the internet. Most of what she found was advice for regular girls or links to porn sites. She looked at pictures and even watched some videos, but _there was so much skin. _Skin freely touching other skin. She felt so different.

It was several weeks and a few intense sessions later when she went looking for Logan. She had just controlled her mutation for four seconds. She wanted to joke that she was halfway there. Of course, it took intense focus and concentration to do that. Something she would never be capable of around him, but she wanted to celebrate. He was in the garage. He had the motorcycle apart again. It was colder now. She thought it might stay in pieces for awhile.

"Hey," she said. He was crouched on the ground.

"Hey," he said and looked up.

"Busy?" she asked.

"Almost finished," he said and stood up. His hands were black, and his black tee shirt hid grease spots. There was a smudge on his face.

"You're dirty," she said.

"Wanna give me a bath?" he smirked with a tongue wag and raised eyebrow. He wiped his hands on a rag and put his thumb through the front loop of his jeans.

"Someone needs to," she said staring at him. They flirted like that all the time. It wasn't a big deal. She noticed the gas tank was off the bike.

"Did you change the spark plugs?" she said.

"Air filter," he said. She watched him move. His perfect ass in tight jeans. Strong arms picking up the fuel tank and putting it back on the bike. Jubilee had given her a book to read about a mutant girl and her vampire lover. They had a lot of sex. Rogue had been glued to the book all day. And now watching Logan work on his bike, seeing that wild hair and tight shirt. She wanted him. Logan was focused on the bike, but as he secured the tank, she saw him sniff the air. He didn't look at her, but she knew he could read her mood.

Logan is not much for words, but he can read body language. When he stood up and faced her, she was serious. As her thoughts shifted from fantasy to action, she walked toward Logan staring at him. She stood with her body almost on his and took off her jacket. She was wearing a low cut sleeveless shirt. There was lots of exposed skin in front of him. He wasn't used to seeing her like that. It did something to him. Her eyes were challenging him. She swayed to the side putting her hand on his six pack abs and her breast brushed against his arm.

He put his hands on her and in one step, she was backed her up against the door. His palm pushed flat against her chest above her heart. He stared at her. She was breathing hard and her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. It took everything she had not to look away. His eyes were dark. His feral side was taking over. His other hand grabbed her head, pulling her hair and pushing her head to the side. He leaned in and smelled her neck, starting where it met her shoulder. His nose brushed lightly against her skin as he moved up her neck. She raised her chin up and held her breath.

Lightening fast, he was two feet away. "You're scared," he said. He was angry. He turned from her. He picked up the oil rag off his bike and threw it on the ground and walked out of the garage.

"I'm nervous," she said. "There's a difference."

Logan needed to get away from her. She wasn't really scared of him. He knew that. But for a second when he pushed her against the door, she was afraid. That faded quickly. She wanted him. He could tell. He could have fucked her then and there. Why he didn't went deeper than he wanted to think about. He went to his room and drank whiskey. He tried to watch TV, but couldn't stop thinking about her. He kept drinking. When he was good and drunk, he went to her room to apologize to her. He didn't notice that he still hadn't washed up. He didn't expect to find her in such a sheer nightgown with nothing underneath.

When he walked in, she sat up and put on a long sleeve tee shirt that was on the nightstand beside her bed. He knelt in front of her and pulled the tee shirt up, staring at her breast. He stood up and guided her back flat against the bed. She gasped as she felt his mouth on her body. One hand kneaded her breast while his mouth licked and sucked the nipple of the other. She could feel his tongue licking her, feel his teeth nibble and feel him suck through the sheer gown. Oh my god, she thought, this is really happening. Her hands were on his head, touching his hair. I love him, she thought. She felt his hand move down her body and between her legs, touching her on the outside of her gown. She was wet. He could smell how excited she was. He sat up between her legs and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. "Where?" he said.

"In the drawer," she said. He grabbed a condom. She could see his outline in the dark, but couldn't see anything else. He grabbed a pillow and slid it under her hips. She didn't know why but didn't say anything. She heard him tear the wrapper and put the condom on. He was touching her again through the gown. She wasn't as wet now.

"Shit," he said.

"I'm not scared. I'm nervous," she said. "I'm not sure what to do and I don't want to disappoint you, but please Logan, don't stop."

He spit in his hand and rubbed it on the tip of his dick. There was some lube already on the condom. He pushed her gown up. She felt his dick against her, rubbing against her. She felt his boxers and jeans against her legs. He was lying on top of her now with his hands to the side supporting his weight. Her arms circled around his chest.

"Wrap your legs around me," he said. She did. He was looking in her eyes. She looked back, but could only see the outline of his face. She wished she could see his eyes. She had never been this close to Logan before, to anyone. Most girls made out, petted but that was something she hadn't experienced, having a body pressed so close to her.

"Ready?" he said. She nodded yes. He pushed in. She braced herself, making it harder.

"Relax," he said softly. "I won't hurt you." She did. He pushed in again. She smelled the whiskey. He backed up, then pushed in a little more. He did it again, but that time he slid in.

"Is it all the way in?" she said.

"Almost," he whispered, repeating the same strokes. She was getting wetter. He was sliding easier. He thrust. "There," he said softly and she moaned. "All the way in." He stayed still for a second above her staring at her face. Then, he put his face on her neck, where her skin was covered by her hair. She could feel him breathing on her, smelling her. He smelled like Logan. Logan and the garage and whiskey, but still Logan. Her face was against the shoulder of his tee shirt. He was moving in and out slowly. She was overcome with emotion. She felt tears in her eyes, not from sadness, just intense emotions and blinked them away. He continued moving slowly, rocking her. As his movements became faster, her legs wrapped around him tighter. Her arms grabbed the top of his biceps over his tee shirt, and he lifted up on his arms to move faster. She didn't know what to do. She knew she wasn't supposed to just lay there. She knew laying there was bad, but couldn't figure out anything to do other than hang onto him. She hung on tight. He called her Marie, said it softly, then said, "Oh, God, Marie." She heard him moan, then jerk, then grunt, then thrust slower, three more times. He pulled out. He moved down the bed and laid on her, his head on her breast, his body between her legs, bent and open. Her arms were around his neck with her long sleeve shirt protecting her skin. Her hand brushed through his hair. He was breathing hard. Neither spoke. His hands were around her waist.

"Was I alright?" she said.

"You're perfect," he said. She thought he smiled. They lay there together a few more moments in complete silence. He moved off of her, kissed her forehead and got up. He was sobering up. "I need to clean up," he said. She sat up in bed, still in her gown and tee-shirt, but feeling very naked.

"Ok," she said. She wanted to tell him he could use her shower, that he didn't have to go, but she was quiet.

Logan was standing by the bed. "You should go to the bathroom," he said.

"Oh," said Rogue. "Am I bleeding?" She looked down at her body, feeling embarrassed.

"No...just women always pee after sex," Logan said. "Keeps you from getting a bladder infection."

"Oh," said Rogue.

"But you don't have to rush...just, you know, sometime after..."

Rogue nodded.

"Your room smells like sex," he said.

"Logan, even I can smell it," she said and smiled at him. He could see her smile, even though she couldn't see him well. He walked out of the room.

The next morning, she looked down at her body. She wasn't sore. She touched herself. Oh, well, maybe she was a little sore. There were black marks all over her gown, some even rubbed onto her skin. So much for saving this, she thought. She imagined claws destroying her clothes, not grease. She saw the condom wrapper and a used condom on the floor. She picked them up and hid them in the trash. She wadded up her gown and put it in the closet, not ready to throw it away yet. Hey, I'm not a virgin anymore, she wanted to yell it. She was going to tell Jubilee.

When she checked Logan's room, it was empty. He was already gone. She expected he would be. She knew him better than anyone, knew last night was going to be more than he could handle. She wasn't going to get upset.

His bags were gone, but there were still some clothes in the closet. She knew he would be back. His bed was made, messy where he sat on it drinking and watching TV, but he didn't sleep on it last night. She often came by his room during the day and made his bed for him. He told her he slept better if she made his bed. It was silly, but she liked doing it. He was over a hundred years old and in the army, for god's sake, he knew how to make a bed. The truth was he liked having her smell on his sheets. "What are you? His wife?" Jubilee had joked. Rogue laughed. It was one of the many things about their relationship that Jubilee and Kitty and Bobby and all the others didn't understand.

She thought he probably left once she was asleep. She straightened his bed out of habit. An empty fifth of Southern Comfort was on the nightstand beside the bed. She picked it up. Southern comfort, she thought, I guess that was last night's theme. She carried the bottle to her room, rinsed it out and put it under her bathroom sink.


	3. Chapter 3

Three weeks passed. He returned the second of December. He missed Thanksgiving. While he was gone, she worked constantly on controlling her mutation. She could stop it for a second or two without concentrating too hard, longer took more focus. Something seemed to click for her one morning and she held off for thirty seconds. She tried again that afternoon and couldn't repeat it, but was excited just knowing it was possible.

The mansion was decorated for Christmas. Garland was around the door frame and on the staircase. On the front door was a Christmas bell with a red ribbon. Rogue placed it there. Hearing the bell jingle, she walked into the foyer, as if she were expecting him home at just that time. She was wearing a Santa hat.

He stared at her. His expression was unreadable. Hers wasn't. With a big smile on her face, she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned against his leather jacket.

"Logan," she said and breathed a sigh of relief.

He expected her to be mad at him for leaving or hurt about the way he handled things. He expected her to be distant and cold. He didn't expect this. He was silent.

"Have you had dinner?" she asked.

"Uh, no," he said.

"There's a crockpot full of pork shoulder. Kitty is on a diet and Jules is a vegetarian, so you're in luck," she said. She cooked a couple times a week.

"OK," he said. "I need to talk to Charles, but I'll be right there." By the time he made it to the kitchen, she had heated up a plate of pork bar-b-que, mashed potatoes, green beans, cornbread and fixed him a glass of sweet tea. His mouth was watering. She wanted to take care of Logan. Because he didn't do such a great job of taking care of himself. And he wouldn't let anyone else, except her. She was different from anyone else in his life. And that role, she cherished.

"You're too good to me," he said sitting down.

"You know it," she said and kissed his cheek. "There's more in the frig, if you want seconds." She didn't sit down. She straightened some candy canes with magnetic tape on the back on the stainless steel refrigerator. She put them in a neat row across the top. "I'm going to the mall with the girls. It's less crowded at night," she said. He nodded.

"Can we talk later?" she said.

"Yeah," he said.

Sitting in the kitchen, he felt very alone after she left. He had missed her. He missed seeing her every day, talking to her. He missed how she smelled and seeing her smile. He ate, then walked around the woods outside the mansion.

He was alone is his room when he heard her in the hallway. She knocked softly and opened his door. He was lying on his bed watching porn. Getting ready to unzip his jeans when he heard her.

"Oh!" she said with big eyes staring at the TV. A naked woman was bent over and a man was fucking her in the ass with a candy cane dildo. "That looks like it hurts," she said. He grinned at her. She sat on the edge of his bed still watching.

"Let me see what you're wearing," he said. She wore long red silk nightgown with the matching robe on over it. She slipped the robe off and stood up and spun around, showing off the floor length elegant gown with deep V neckline plunging low. It was sleeveless and backless, but fit perfectly on her small frame.

"I thought you could look," she said, "even if you can't touch."

"You look beautiful," he said. She started to put her robe back on. "Wait a minute," he said. He reached in his night table drawer and pulled out a pair of soft leather gloves. He unrolled his sleeves and slipped them on. "Now, come over here," he said sitting on his bed leaning against the headboard. He smiled at her. She climbed between his legs and sat with her bare back against his chest. His arms hugged her. His hands were all over her skin, giving her goosebumps. She touched his legs and put her hands on his bent knees. He slid his hands over hers and laced their fingers together. She glanced over at the nightstand. There were two DVDs and a bottle of lube. The cover of the top DVD had a man dressed as a large cocktail shaker. He was surrounded by partially naked women in slutty Santa suits. The title was "Drunk Hos Gone Wild."

"Is that what we're watching?" she asked.

"No. We're watching Ebenezer Screwed," he said. "'Tis the season, you know."

"Is that the Ghost of Christmas Past?" she asked referring to the girl getting it in the ass.

"It doesn't necessarily follow the story," Logan told her with a smile.

"So you were staying in tonight?" she asked.

"Actually, I was going to rub one out then head down to your room," he said.

"Before coming to see me?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said.

"Why?"

"Takes the edge off," he said. He was rubbing her arms. "Helps me be slower, gentler with you…I didn't do it that last time. I should have," he said. Would have, he thought, if he hadn't been so drunk.

"You were easy with me," she said. The video continued. Another man and woman were on screen with the first woman. The man had an erection that resembled a yardstick. Logan was sure he was a mutant.

"Oh. My God," Rogue said. "That's the LONGEST, SKINNIEST man thing I've ever seen."

"Man thing?" Logan laughed. Rogue laughed, too.

"Dick," she said blushing. "That can't be normal. Yours didn't feel skinny at all."

"I think he's one of a kind," Logan said. She rolled sideways and slid down in the bed. Her head was against his lower abdomen and her hand kept brushing over the bulge in his jeans.

"I've never seen a man naked," she said, "you know, in real life. I've seen pictures before."

Logan felt his heart drop. That's when he realized just how innocent she really was. It had never dawned on him. He knew she was a virgin but…he just hadn't pieced it together. He grabbed the remote and turned the DVD off. The TV screen changed to the blue screen. He left it on for the light, but turned the sound off.

"Enough watchin' Scrooge get screwed," he said. He tilted her face up to look at him. "You want to see a real man naked, you know, in real life?" He smiled.

"Yes," she said with a big smile and almost a giggle. "Could I rub you out?"

"Whatever you want, Darlin'," he said. He sat up and she moved off him. She put her robe back on. He handed her the gloves he was wearing. She put them on. They were too big.

"Wait a minute," she said and looked in his dresser. She had a pair of gloves she kept in his room. She sat on her knees at the foot of his bed and looked at him.

"You have to undress me," he told her.

Her face brightened. "OK," she said. She climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and unbuttoned his shirt. She pulled his shirt off and his tee shirt over his head. Her hands were touching his chest. She had seen him without a shirt before, but never touched him. His body was hard. Solid. His hands were on her waist and he leaned forward. His mouth caught her nipple and he sucked on it. His hands slid down and squeezed her ass.

"Oh no," she said and stopped him. "It's my turn."

He smiled and leaned back. She leaned forward and licked his nipple. She sucked on it for a couple of seconds, the planted kisses on his chest. She moved up to his neck. Her face was right in front of his. "Logan," she said and moved her lips to his. They kissed. She deepened it. After about three seconds, she pulled back, then was right back on him kissing him again. His arms wrapped around her tight pulling her body to him. She pulled back again, to breathe this time, then her mouth was on his, lips moving, tongues dancing, tasting each other. She felt her mutation kick in, and broke the kiss. She looked in his eyes.

"God, Logan, this feels better than sex," she said.

He didn't even kiss her, her first time. He did so many things wrong.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?" she said. He looked away from her.

"I'm not…I can't be…what you want, Marie," he said.

"You already _are_ who I want you to be," she said.

"Marie, I'm…," he said but couldn't finish his sentence. _Savage, guilty, violent, alone, unhinged,_ all passed through his jumbled mind.

"Can we stop talking?" she said moving off him and unzipping his jeans. "You're supposed to be naked."

He smiled and shucked his pants. He wasn't wearing anything else. She was staring at his body. Her hands touching him. He was watching her.

"Does it have adamantium in it?" she asked.

He smiled. "No. That's just me."

"I want some more kisses," she said.

"I can manage that," he said.

He rolled her over, moved on top of her and kissed her thoroughly, waiting until he felt her power before separating. Then, kissing again. He kissed her neck, her ear. She moaned.

"Logan, I never want to stop kissing."

He kissed her more. He didn't either. Her hands were all over his body, touching, exploring. His body pressed into hers. He pulled back and stared at her face.

"What?" she said. He didn't say anything.

He put his lips on hers. His tongue licked her lower lip, then his tongue was in her mouth again swirling with hers. He felt her power begin to pull on him, but he didn't move back. He grabbed her head, holding her still and maintaining contact as her mutation intensified. Then, he pulled back, panting, weakened, laying his head on her breast.

"Logan?"

"I'm OK."

They were silent.

"You love me."

"You weren't supposed to know that," he said.

"Why?"

"Because it's not a good thing," he said.

"It sure feels good," she said as she rubbed his hair. She lifted his head so she could look in his eyes. "Don't ever do that again."

"It's easier," he said.

"For you, not for me," she said. They were both tired. Logan from being partially drained and Rogue from fighting her mutation so hard during all the kissing.

"I'm sleepy," she said. He moved off her, and she sat up. She stood up like she was leaving.

"Why don't you sleep here?" he said.

"With you?" she said with a smile.

"With me," he said.

She adjusted her robe, tying it tighter. He pulled down the covers and he turned the TV off. They snuggled together in bed.

The next morning, Rogue woke up completely naked. Logan was spooned behind her completely dressed. Sometime during the night, they woke up and couldn't keep their hands off each other. This time her toes curled.


	4. Chapter 4

She slipped into his room the next three nights, each night better than the one before. She explored his body and learned its response. She knew all of him. How he felt and what he liked, the way he smelled and touched and tasted. To Rogue, it was sacred and private, what they shared and the knowledge she had of him. All the intimate details, like the sounds he made when he was inside her, and the way he whistled through his nose when he fell deep asleep. She loved how he would talk to her in bed, and oh yeah, sometimes Logan was a talker. He'd tell her how good she smelled. Tell her how much he liked what she was doing, how much he loved being inside her, inside her tight, wet pussy, how good it felt to fuck her. She didn't normally like those words, but coming from Logan, it sounded like poetry.

A man's body shouldn't be pretty. It's hairy, rough and strong. Logan was all of those things. But there wasn't a single visible scar on him. His skin was flawless. Sometimes dry, sometimes sweaty, but all unblemished, hard lines. He was beautiful. She loved how his body responded to her touch. Like how it drove him wild when she would take his hand and kiss his knuckles and lick between his fingers where his claws came out.

She expected someone to notice her leaving his room in the morning, but because of her schedule, she either left early or slept in. Either way, no one saw her leaving Logan's room. Not that is mattered, she told herself. She was an adult. Hank must know, and Charles must know or would soon. It wasn't like she could not think about it. Storm wouldn't care.

The next night she went to the movies with Kitty and Jules. They came back to the mansion and were busy dying each other's hair with temporary dye. They dyed Rogue's white streaks green, her favorite color. It was late when she finally got back to her room. She changed into her long underwear. Long underwear doesn't sound sexy, but they were bought was Logan in mind, soft, cream colored and made of the thinnest silk. They hugged every curve of her body. She was getting ready to crawl into bed when Logan knocked on her door.

He stared at her body. "Wow," he said.

"They are so soft. They feel amazing," she said.

He was in front of her now with his hands sliding from her waist to her hips then cupping her ass, pressing her against him. "You feel amazing," he said.

She laughed. "You can't still be horny," she said. They spent most of last night having sex. Neither of them got much sleep and both had busy days.

He laughed. "I'm always horny," he said. "But you look tired. So just give me a goodnight kiss."

She kissed him, and he started to leave.

"Why don't you sleep in my bed tonight?" she said.

He didn't say anything. "Logan, I don't think you have as many nightmares when we sleep together and I know I sleep better…well, except for last night, but when I do go to sleep, I'm sound asleep."

He turned out the light and took off his shoes. He climbed in bed and put his arm around her. She slipped into her spot, that small divot in his shoulder where her head fit perfectly and rested her hand on his chest.

"Awe," he said as he closed his eyes and he leaned his chin against the top of her head. "You're right. This is better."

As the days passed, the thing she noticed most about Logan, the thing that changed the most after they did the deed, or rather started repeatedly doing the deed, is he seemed to finally _relax_. He was still Logan, moody, grumpy and gruff, but not so tightly wound. He smiled more. He smiled and laughed around her more than he ever had. They were still together a lot during the day, training and hanging out when she wasn't in class. She flirted with him like always, but when he flirted back there was a different look in his eye and a knowing wink if other people were around.

He liked to get her completely naked as soon as he was alone with her each night. He'd keep his clothes on, and they'd rub their bodies together. Grinding, humping, rolling with each other on the bed with his gloved hands all over her body, kissing as much as they could, but never as much as they both wanted.

They could only touch skin to skin a few seconds at a time, but they made it work. When Jubilee asked questions about it, Rogue just said, "Where there's a will, there's a way." But it still bothered her. Logan seemed unphased. The night before, she had stripped him down and wearing her long underwear and gloves, rubbed massage oil all over his body. She was between his legs rubbing his thighs.

"Show me how you touch it," she said. She watched his hand, the way it grasped and stroked and even tugged on the head. Then, she started touching him like that. She leaned over and licked the head. He moaned. Then he was up, out of bed. He had a condom and a pair of sweatpants on in less than two seconds. One claw sliced the front of the sweatpants and he stuck his dick through the hole.

"He grabbed her pants and pulled them off in one motion. She half screamed and half laughed at how fast he had her bottomless and on her back. He was on top of her, easing in. He was always on her fast the first time. The rest of the night, he took his time.

As they were falling asleep, she said to him, "I may never be able to control it. We might not ever have longer than a few seconds."

"It's alright, Marie," he said stroking her hair. "We make each other feel good. That's all that matters." He stopped playing porn when he realized how self-conscious she was, but he still didn't understand her, couldn't understand why she felt she couldn't "do it right."

He finally told her, "Marie, I could have had sex with anyone I wanted tonight."

"Ego much?" she said with a smile.

"The truth," he said.

"And," she said.

"And where am I?" he said wrapping his arms around her. "Trust me. You're perfect. Just like you are."

It was Friday night and she was playing pool with Gambit. The mansion was empty with the Holidays coming and students home on break. It was still a little early for Remy to be out yet. She had on a short black skirt, black tights, black stiletto boots, high black gloves and a low cut silver halter top. Her hair still had the green streaks but they weren't as bright.

"You're awfully dressed up, chere, just to be hanging around the mansion," Remy said.

Rogue shrugged and her voice became much more Southern. "Why this old thang?" she said. She noticed Logan standing in the doorway with a beer watching them. He had just gotten out of the shower and his hair was still damp. He was in jeans and a long sleeved black shirt. He seemed to keep a long sleeved shirt on or around she noticed. She wiggled her ass a little as she bent down for her next shot knowing he was watching. Remy was making some joke about her having a boyfriend.

"What makes you think I'm not single, sugar?" she said.

"Because you're not going out with me," he said smiling at her. "So either, you're into the ladies or you have a husband. No other reason for you to stay here tonight when you're looking like that."

She glanced over at Logan, and he smiled at her. Gambit set up the next shot. She wondered if Logan was a little jealous, but it didn't appear that anything was bothering him. He looked happy. She walked over to him and gave him a hug.

"Logan and I are going to watch a movie, Remy," she said. "We'll have to finish playing another time."

Remy nodded at both of them. She went to the kitchen and got a beer for herself and another one for Logan. They were sitting on the big leather couch together watching a movie. He put his feet on the ottoman and his arm around her. The lights were on, but dim.

She smiled at him. "This is almost like a date," she said. She had heard Logan grumble at various times that he wasn't a white knight or the good guy or boyfriend material. They weren't conversations as much as remarks made suddenly out of nowhere without any context. Rogue never pushed him on the issue. She listened, and usually just nodded. Once he said something like if she wanted a little high school boy who would cum in his pants she could find one. She had no idea what that was about, but ignored it.

But tonight, he was warm and relaxed. He looked at her, so dressed up and cute. If it hadn't been such a long week, he would take her somewhere, but he really just wanted to spend time alone with her tonight. In other words, if he weren't such an old man, he would have taken her out tonight.

"Yeah, maybe one day, we'll go on one of those," he said raising his eyebrow. She playfully punched him in the arm. He thought about telling her how good she looked, how he loved seeing her in a skirt, how her nipples poking through that thin silver halter top were killing him, but he kept his mouth closed.

"Oh, I know we're not dating," she said. "Because you're the Wolverine…and you're all alone and an all-powerful-man-of-the-universe masculine kind of guy with a big man thing and not a wimpy-cum-in-his-pants boy that _dates_ _girls_," she said.

He laughed at her. "You're damn right," he said. They watched the movie for awhile.

"Charles looked in my head again," he said. "There's someone in Canada I need to find and I think I know where to find him…no hurry on it. May pan out. May be just another dead end." He looked at Rogue, and she nodded.

"When are you leaving?" she asked.

"Thought I'd hang around until January," he said. Rogue's heart fluttered and sped up in her chest. She was preparing herself for him to say he'd be gone Christmas."

"Be gone a few weeks?" she said.

He reached for her and pulled her into his lap pushing her skirt up so she was straddling him. She looked around. They had never done anything outside their bedrooms.

"We're alone," he said. "I'll hear it if anyone's coming. Shouldn't be longer than a couple weeks."

She touched his face with her gloved hand. He had just shaved his chin and his mustache. "While you're gone," she said then dropped her hand. She looked down for a minute. Logan didn't say anything, he waited.

She looked him straight in the eye and said, "Are you gonna have sex with anyone else?"

He was surprised by her bluntness. He thought it was cute, but didn't give any of that away. He kept his face expressionless. "Two weeks is a long time to go without sex, Marie," he said.

She didn't say anything. She turned away and started moving off of him. He grabbed her waist and stopped her. "Which is why…I wanted to know if you'd go with me," he said.

"Really?" she said.

"If we left after Christmas, we could be back before your classes start," he said.

"Sure, Logan," she said.

"It won't be exciting. Probably pretty boring. I might fight a time or two," he said.

Her hands were on his neck and fingers in his hair. "I think we could make it fun," she said. He slid her skirt higher and pushed her hips into him.

"I'm about to make this movie fun," he said.

"How are you going to do that?" she said.

He untied the top of her halter top and let it fall to her waist. Holding her waist he lifted her up on her knees, still straddling him but now with her bare breast right in front of his face. "It already looks better," he said. He leaned forward and licked the side of her breast.

"Be careful," she whispered. He looked up at her. "I love your tits, Marie." He moved his lips over the nipple but barely made contact. His tongue darted out quickly, and she gasped. He smiled. He wanted to play with her tonight. He moved to the other side and licked along the side and bottom of her breast breaking away before her mutation kicked in. Both nipples were hard. Her skin was flushed and warm. He could smell how turned on she was, but he continued moving and kissing painfully slow. She reached for his zipper, but he stopped her.

"Oh, god, what are you doing to me?" she said with a smile. He kicked the ottoman out of the way and laid her down on the carpet.

He slowly licked, then sucked her nipple. He pulled back just breathing on and letting his lips gently graze her breast. Then, moving and sucking on the other nipple. "I'm not doing anything but kissin' you until this movie is over," he said. He continued to lick, and pull back. She wanted to push his head into her chest and hold him there against her. Her legs were wrapped around one of his and she was moving against him, trying to get some friction.

He chuckled at how turned on she was. "You must have jacked off in the shower," she said. He licked her lips. Then, pulled back so he could see her face.

"You can tell?" he said with a smile. Then, he kissed her again, this time deep, staying until he felt her mutation. He moved back down licking, kissing and sucking her breast. His mouth just hovering above her skin every couple of seconds, tongue darting out fast and flicking her nipples. Her skin was so sensitive, and she was so turned on. He thought he could make her cum just licking her tits. He moved a little more to the side and his hand brushed against her thigh teasing her. She jerked. She wanted his hand touching her.

Logan looked up. Remy was standing in the doorway a few feet away from them. Rogue was on the floor topless but still in her boots, skirt and tights. Her back was arched pushing her breast up into Logan's mouth. Rogue looked over at him and froze, and Logan stared at him.

"Whoa," said Remy throwing his hands up in the air. "Didn't know you two were…" and he pointed his finger back and forth between Rogue and Logan. Rogue looked at Logan. His eyes were dark. He wasn't moving. He had a wicked smile on his face as he stared at Gambit.

"Mine," he said followed by a bit of a growl.

"I'll just be in the kitchen," Remy said turning around and walking out.

Rogue, now able to move, pushed Wolverine back, sat up and pulled her top up.

"Hey," Logan said moving over by her, "Don't let the Cajun ruin our movie."

"Logan," she said tying her top, "You heard him coming."

He looked away. There was a bit of a smirk, a bit of a you-caught-me look. "Yes, I heard him coming," he said.

"And you didn't stop?" she said. "You didn't cover me up?" She stood up. A month ago she had never been topless in front of a man. A month ago, she'd had sex with a man, but not been topless. Tonight, she was topless in front of two, one sucking on her tits and the other watching. It made her mad. She was embarrassed, and the thought of Remy standing there watching Logan kiss her was turning her on, which was embarrassing her more. It was a pretty erotic experience…what if Remy had just sat down quietly on the couch…

Logan stood in front of her with his hands on her waist. "I'm sorry," he said. "I should have covered you up. He's from New Orleans. Titties aren't a big deal." He pulled her into him. "You have a great body. Don't be embarrassed."

"Why did you do that?" she said.

"Because," he said.

"Because why, Logan?"

Logan looked in her eyes. "Because he needed to know that you're mine and exactly how 'mine' you are."

"So you were jealous?" she said.

"I'm not jealous," he said. "I'm possessive."

"Oh," she said. "And so, what, you possess me? Think you control me?"

"Marie," he said looking into her eyes.

"Don't give me that puppy dog look. Answer me. Do you think you control me?" she said.

"I don't control you," he said.

"Then what?" she asked.

He leaned into her ear and said, "You're my girl." She smiled. Then, pulled back and stared at him.

"Well, then Logan, you're my boyfriend."

Logan plopped down on the couch with his legs spread apart. His hands were laced together with his thumbs crossed on his belt buckle. He stared at the ceiling. With a half smile, he said, "I'm too goddamn old to be anybody's boyfriend."

She jumped in his lap, hugged him and pressed her face into his shirt, smelling him. "Awe sugar, being with me will make you feel years younger."

"You think?" he said.

"Yes," she said.

"How did this happen?" he said.

"You came into my room and offered to have sex with me."

He stroked her hair, playing with the green lock falling in her face. He spoke softly. "It happened before that…" He smiled at her. "You're so young. I wanted to wait until you were older…so you could…" His voice trail off.

"Logan," she said, "I'm young and in love with _my boyfriend_…it's the best feeling ever." He leaned in and kissed her.


	5. Chapter 5

Storm got into a fight. She was jumped by members of The Informers, anti-mutant group, in the mall parking lot. They sprayed her with a strange chemical. She got a good look at the perpetrators and escaped, but the chemical temporarily affected her health and her powers. She was recovering slowly. The result was a hot, sunny ninety degree Christmas Eve. Logan was out of the mansion. They had already checked out the parking lot that morning. Rogue suspected he was Christmas shopping. He seemed like a Christmas Eve kind of shopper, if he went at all. Rogue wondered how long it had been since he had celebrated anything.

The mansion was quiet. Kitty and Jubilee had gone home. Bobby was staying with Kitty's family. Hank was taking care of Storm. Kurt was spending the night in a monastery. Charles was busy with his latest project, writing his memoirs. That left Rogue and Remy in lawn chairs sunbathing around the covered-for-the-winter pool. Remy had a cooler full of beer, a pack of Camels and an iPod with speakers. Rogue had big towels and sunscreen. They were having a big ole time. She had a few beers. Remy was telling her all kinds of stories about being a thief. He was entertaining and had her laughing so hard sometimes she was in tears. She wondered if any of them were true, but either way, the guy could tell a great story. He was wearing low riding black swim trunks that stopped a few inches above his knees and a straw cowboy hat.

"You're going to get tan lines, chere," he said.

Rogue looked down and moved a strap of her red bikini over. "Yeah, I guess I will," she said.

"You should take off your top," Remy said.

She laughed. "Oh really? Would you like that?"

"I would like it, but more importantly, _you _would like it," he said.

"You think so?" she said.

"Oui, French girls always sunbathe topless. Makes them feel free to have the sun shine on their chest."

"I'm not a French girl. I keep covered," she said.

"Except with Logan on floor," he joked.

"Yeah, except with Logan," she said.

"And with me," he said. "I've seen you before."

She laughed. "OK, one time, with you." She flattened the lawn chair and rolled on her stomach.

"Well, at least let me untie the strings so you don't have lines on your back," he said.

"OK," she said. "Just be careful. Don't touch my skin. It's poison."

Remy carefully grabbed her bathing suit straps and untied them and moved them off her back. He laid on his stomach, both facing each other. Rogue's eyes were closed.

"So why does your skin not poison Wolverine's mouth?" he asked.

She had never really talked about this before, even with Jubilee. But, for some reason, maybe the fact that he walked in on them, she could talk to Remy. "I can touch for a few seconds before I hurt someone. With Logan's healing ability, I'm not as dangerous to him as I am to other people, but—I don't know how much you saw—but he can only kiss me for a couple of seconds, then he pulls away."

"You seem to be enjoying it very much," Remy said.

Rogue blushed. "Wouldn't any girl?"

"Yes," he said. "I would enjoy it very much."

"What?" she said.

"I would enjoy kissing your tits," he said.

She laughed. "Would you enjoy your head being separated from your body…make that both your heads."

"Not if he were there," Remy said.

"Huh?" she said.

"Wolverine, he's had sex with many women. He knows what pleases a woman. He's your man, right?"

"Yes," she said.

"And he wants to please you, right?" he said.

"Yes."

"So he could please you between your legs and let Remy kiss your tits. You would like it very much," he said.

Rogue giggled. "A threesome's a little much for me, Remy. I've only been having sex for a few weeks."

"And Wolverine is your first?"

"Yes," she said.

"I could be your second," he said.

She giggled. "I love Wolverine," she said.

"Yes, but you can love him and still have sex with me," he said.

"OK, this conversation is over," she said laughing. But at some point, she did roll unto her back to sunbathe, and she decided she didn't need to put her top back on. The Cajun could talk a nun out of her panties.

She was drinking another beer when she saw Logan walking toward her. Oh, she realized, this doesn't exactly look good. She jumped up and hurried over to Logan. He was wearing a black tee shirt. She puts her arms on his shoulders and brushed against him, careful not to make skin to skin contact. She felt his hand on her ass, which is really the only piece of fabric on her body.

"Logan, you should come lay out in the sun with me," she said. He could smell the alcohol and tell she was tipsy.

"You're burned," he said. She looked down. Yikes, she was red.

"I usually don't lay out this long or like this," she said. He picked up an extra towel she had hung on the fence and wrapped it around her.

"Go on inside and get some water. I'll get your stuff," he said.

"OK," she said walking toward the mansion.

"Rogue," he said. "Get some rest. We're going out tonight." She ran back and kissed him on the cheek. She went inside and took a nap, the combination of alcohol and sun really wore her out.

Because of the nice weather, they rode on Logan's bike to the restaurant. It was a casual locally owned deep dish pizza place and bar. They knew Logan inside. They sat across from each other in a cozy corner booth. Logan ordered the pizza and a pitcher of beer. Rogue stuck with water.

"You said you really like this place?" Rogue said.

"Yes," Logan said. He was staring at a TV above Rogue's head. He hadn't been talkative tonight. She thought he was pissed at her. She knew she would be pissed if the situation were reversed. She moved to the other side of the table and slid in the booth beside him. There was an NBA game on TV.

"Merry Christmas, Logan," she said and put a gloved hand on his thigh. He took her hand in his and laced their fingers together. OK, she thought, maybe he'll talk about it.

"I don't want you to be mad at me, Logan."

"And why would I be mad, Marie?" he said.

"I know the way things must have looked this afternoon…and I…I wasn't really thinking…and I…I don't know, but it feels like you're mad and it's our first Christmas Eve together, the first Christmas Eve I've cared about since I ran away years ago and I don't want to ruin it, but maybe I already did and I'm afraid you're going to blow up and yell at me and if you are, I wish you would just do it—"

"I love you, Marie," he interrupted. He was staring at the TV. He said it calmly and plainly with the same tone he would use to say "Today's Tuesday" or "The pizza's hot." All their nights in bed he had never said it. He had said some sweet things to her, but not that he loved her. She was staring at him. She felt like crying. She didn't say anything. She didn't move. He looked over at her. "Just promise me that from now on you'll keep your clothes on around the Swamp Rat."

"Yes," she said. "I promise. I don't know what I was thinking, Logan. We were just hanging out and talking about French girls and …all, but nothing happened. You know that right? You know I would never…"

"If I'd smelled him on you, I would have killed him," Logan said. She knew he was serious.

"What was he talking to you about?" he said.

"Threesomes," Rogue said.

"I bet he was," he said. "I cleared things up for him." She wondered what happened after she left. She didn't see any blood in the mansion.

The waitress sat down their plates and pizza. They started eating. Logan smiled at her.

"You like it?" he said.

"Yeah," she said. It was really good pizza.

After they finished eating, they stayed in the booth for awhile drinking beer and talking.

"Logan," she said a little bit later and after a couple of beers, "You told me titties weren't a big deal."

He put his arm around her and pulled her close to him. He looked at her. "Marie, your tits are a big deal."

They were back at the mansion in Logan's room. After finishing round one, she was lying on Logan's bed wearing his shirt and nothing else. He was still in his jeans. There bodies pointed in opposite directions, as they lay on their sides facing each other, both with an elbow propping up their head. Rogue's hands were playfully rubbing over the bulge in his jeans. Logan pushed the shirt up to her waist and was stroking her legs with his bare hands, touching her as long as possible. She would kick her legs to push him off. He would groan, and she would laugh at him. He was bolder about touching her, letting her mutation kick in a bit before moving, and she was controlling it better, holding off for four to five seconds.

He smiled at her. He was being playful, but also knew it frustrated her if he pushed her too much. He decided to stop and grabbed his gloves. He shifted positions, moving to the foot of the bed, he laid Rogue on her back and stayed on his side. He wanted to look in her eyes as he touched her now. He loved watching her climax.

He stopped and stared at the wall. "Logan?" she said.

He looked away and put his hand up. She waited. "What time?" he said. He listened. He turned to Rogue. "Bad news, Sweetheart," he said.

"What?" she said.

"New mission. Got to go now," he said.

"Where?" she said standing up.

He stood in front of her. "Charles has info on the group the attacked Storm. Going to check things out. Keeping a low profile. It's just Nightcrawler and me on this one."

"How long do you think it will take?"

He gave her a kiss. "I'll be back as soon as I can. I wanted us to spend Christmas together, too," he said.

"We'll have Christmas when you're back," she said and gave him a kiss that lasted as long as she could make it.

Rogue woke up the next morning and went to Storm's room. She spent most of yesterday semi-comatose in the medical bay, but was doing much better by last night.

"Hi," Rogue said. "Merry Christmas." She gave Storm a hug. Storm was in her bed in standard X-men sweatpants sitting up watching TV. She was pale, but smiling. She looked weak. She scooted over so Rogue could sit beside her.

"You're looking better," Rogue said.

"I feel better," she said. "I'm ready to get up and start cooking, but I promised Hank I would stay in bed until he cleared me. He should be here soon."

"So what are we going to cook?" Rogue asked. They had a discussion about food. There wasn't time for a turkey. They decided to fry chicken. Storm usually only ate the healthiest of healthy foods—nothing fried, sweet or not organic, but being injured must have revved up her hunger center.

"I'm sorry Logan's not here," Storm said to Rogue. "I feel like that's my fault."

"No, I'm glad he's catching the creeps that did this to you," she said. "He'll be back soon."

They were both laying back on pillows against the headboard watching an old Christmas classic on TV.

"How are things going for you two?" Storm asked.

"How did you know?" Rogue said with a smile.

Storm laughed. "It's kind of obvious. I mean, when have you ever seen Logan look happy before? And you. You're practically glowing everyday."

"It's wonderful. I've been in love with Logan for a long time…I never thought I'd be with anyone, you know?" She looked at Storm. "It's like he doesn't even care about my skin or my mutation, he just wants me."

Storm smiled. "I know you love him, but Rogue, honey, there's not a lot of women who could put up with all of Logan's endearing personality traits. He's lucky to have you."

There was a knock at the door. Remy walked in. "Oh, yes," he said looking at the two of them. "There is a Santa Claus, and I must have been a very good boy." He actually leaped through the air, paused above the bed, then landed on the other side. He leaned in and kissed Storm's cheek.

"How are you?" he said.

"A lot better," she said.

Remy sat down beside Storm. They talked and watched the movie waiting for Hank. It started snowing on TV. "I really wanted to make it snow today," Storm said. There were tears in her eyes. "But I'm not strong enough." Remy hugged her and rocked her back and forth. Rogue felt so bad for her. She patted her back.

"Look how far you've come since yesterday," Rogue said. Storm dried her eyes, embarrassed.

"Yeah," she said, "It's just hard."


	6. Chapter 6

Logan was gone for three days. Rogue wasn't prepared for how she felt about his absence. She was jumpy, anxious, even fearful. It was ridiculous. He had super healing. It was almost impossible to kill him. She might be the only person who could kill him, but she was worried about him.

She spent the morning in the danger room training extra hard with Storm, Remy, Bobby, Kitty, Jubilee, and Hank. Professor X was supervising. They were preparing for a confrontation with the Informers.

Rogue stayed after the others left and went through some scenarios on her own. Then, she went into the locker room and undressed. She turned the heat up on the water in the large open shower and stepped under the stream. She was deep in thought and jumped when she felt his touch. She smiled and melted into his arms. He was covered from neck to toe in black X-man leather and boots. He held her tight. She started planting kisses on his shoulder and chest.

She was asking him questions about the trip, if he was OK and telling him how much she missed him all at the same time. It took her a minute to realize he wasn't talking, just standing still, holding her.

"Logan?" she said and stepped back to look at him. The shower water was hitting their legs. He pulled her to him and kissed her hard. Then, he turned her around and pushing her against the tile wall of the shower. She moaned as she felt him, hard against her. The side of her face was pressed against the wall and she turned her head to kiss him again. He kissed her mouth, then her neck, hard almost biting it. He still hadn't said anything. His hands slid around her body. One rubbing her breast, the other making circles between her legs. He wasn't wasting time. He knew what she liked. The three days he had been gone felt like weeks to her body. She was on the edge, almost ready to come.

She heard a "Snkt" and knew his claws were out. She caught a glimpse of them. He moved back for a second, then she heard his claws retreat. One hand was rubbing her ass, then slipped between her legs. The other arm wrapped around her, with his fingers on her clit.

"Logan," she moaned. "What are you doing?"

"Shh," he said as his fingers continued arousing her from both directions. He had never touched her ass like that before, didn't know how good that could feel. The more he touched her, the more she wanted to feel more of him. She was so close to climaxing she barely noticed that he slipped a wet finger in her ass. She started to protest, but then his mouth was on her neck kissing her and she was coming hard.

"Oh, God, Logan," she said.

He whispered, "I knew you would like that. Trust me."

He kept his hand on her clit. Then, she felt his dick rubbing between her legs. She had never felt him skin-to-skin. He brushed against her and pulled it away. She gasped. It felt so good. He kept doing it. Both were wet from the shower. She was slick from his touches. He he rubbed his dick against her again and this time gently pressed against her where his finger had been. She jumped and tightened.

"It's OK," he said softly with a smile.

The next time he stoked her, he thrust in her pussy. She breathed in deep, and he pulled all the way out.

"Logan," she moaned. "Careful."

"Shh," he said and thrust deep in her again. Then, pulled all the way out of contact from her skin. She was caught up in the moment. She was focusing on feeling Logan, her mutation control was coming in second. She wanted to keep feeling him against her and inside her, skin-to-skin. He was moving faster now, initially making sure he was coming all the way out and back in, but then moving faster, and losing concentration. When they were kissing they usually had a warning, a tug of her mutation, and they knew they needed to break. Maybe they had it this time and didn't realize or maybe things just happened too fast, but Logan started to climax, and he slowed down and thrust, then thrust deeper without coming out, then again. And they were caught. A hundred percent of her mutation was sucking on him. He was paralyzed. She was trying to move away but against the wall. It took her a second to be able to turn and push him off her. Logan fell to the ground, blue, unconscious, not breathing.

Rogue screamed. She wanted to go to him but stepped back, afraid. She ran to the hall and yelled for help. Bobby and Kitty were the first ones in the locker room. Bobby glanced at Rogue who was standing outside the shower naked and staring at Logan. Bobby pulled Logan's body out of the shower. He started mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Kitty grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Rogue, who continued to stand there in shock. Storm, Hank and Professor X rushed in while Logan lay on the floor, not breathing with his dick hanging out of his sliced up leather suit. Rogue just stared. Professor X was talking, making some kind of plans and went ahead as Hank and Bobby picked Logan up to move him to medical bay. Storm touched Rogue's head and said something to her, but it didn't register. Storm left. Kitty and Jubilee were staring at her. She looked around and picked up a white robe and put it on. Bobby came back in the room. No one said anything or if they did Rogue didn't hear it. She'd hurt him. Logan. She had hurt him. Her legs stopped supporting her body and she fell on her knees. Then, even her knees slipped to her sides as she leaned forward, with her bent legs in the shape of an "M" and her face falling in her arms in front of her. She was shaking. No one was touching her. She wasn't sure what happened next or how long she was there. Storm helped her into her room and told her Logan would be fine. Rogue was afraid to go see him. She couldn't stop picturing him on the locker room floor. It was so much worse than when she had touched him as a kid after his nightmare.

She thought about how worried she had been about him on his mission. I was the danger, she thought, not the mission. She cried so hard she started gagging and went into the bathroom and threw up. Storm came by and told her Logan was healing. Rogue nodded. She felt relieved but ill. There was so much guilt. She started replaying the whole scene. How could she have been so stupid? The one man who wasn't afraid to touch her, and she had almost killed him.

She got up a few hours later and went and sat by his bed in medical bay. He was asleep but his breathing and color was better. Hank updated her on his condition. She didn't understand what he said except for the "total recovery" part, and she was relieved. She didn't speak. Bobby stepped in the room. Rogue wanted to say, "Thank you for helping him" but the words didn't come. Bobby said something. She didn't hear it, but looked at him.

"I didn't know, that you were doing, what you were doing," he said.

She looked at him, then back at Logan.

"You should think about what you're doing and what you are getting into," he said. He made some more comments, all meant as a warning that Rogue should be careful about being involved with Wolverine, because she was a nice girl and Wolverine was not a nice guy.

She didn't reply. All she heard was she that she shouldn't be having sex, because she was a freak who hurt people. And she should stop pretending she was normal and could touch before she killed someone.

Hank sent Rogue to her room the next morning. She slept for a few hours and was on her way back to medical bay when she saw Logan in the hall. He smiled at her. He looked completely normal. She stopped in the middle of the hallway, relieved he was alright. He reached to touch her arm and she moved back.

"What's wrong?" Logan said.

"What's wrong?" she repeated backing up more. He moved back with her. "How can you even ask me that after what happened?" she said.

He looked away. "Rogue," he said with an exasperated look on his face. He reached out to touch her arm again, and she jumped away.

"Goddammit," he said moving toward her. She was backing away more, staying in the middle of the hallway, knowing if she were near a wall he would pin her there with his body.

"Give me some space, Logan," she said continuing to back away from him. "I'm so relieved you're okay, but give me some space."

"Space?" Logan said raising his voice and moving inches from her. "What the hell are you talking about? I haven't seen you in a goddamn week." His hands grabbed her shoulders. She was wearing long sleeves and gloves.

She pushed his hands off her. "Don't touch me," she said.

The next thing she knew her back was against the wall. Logan's arms were against the wall on both sides of her shoulders. His body wasn't touching her but was only inches away. His face was so close she could feel his breath. He was hurt, but all she saw was anger.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he said. She turned her head to the side, and tears rolled down her face. Logan hit the wall beside her head, then stormed off to the Danger Room. Rogue ran outside. She wasn't thinking. She just wanted to get away. She sat down on a bench in the garden. She was so confused. Everything with Logan, the whole relationship had happened so fast. It wasn't going zero to sixty, it was not-ever-having-been-in-a-car-much-less-knowing-how-to-drive to over a hundred. Even the most experienced woman would have a hard time navigating a relationship with Logan. It was cold outside, but she didn't want to go in. She was sad, but tired of crying.

She was so deep in thought that she didn't notice Bobby until he was beside her. He took off his coat and offered it to her. She hesitated. "I really don't need it," he said with a smile. She smiled back and put on the coat.

"How are you?" he said. He sat down on the bench beside her.

"I've been better. How are you and Kitty?" she said mindlessly making conversation.

Bobby looked at his hands, then smiled again. "I wouldn't say there is a me and Kitty…I mean, we've dated a few times, but we aren't a couple," he said.

"Oh." Rogue's face was expressionless.

"How are you and Wolverine?" he asked.

"I'm not sure there can be a me and anybody," she said.

"There was a me and you," he said, "for awhile."

"Yes…for awhile," she said and looked at him, "but not for long…there can't be a me and anyone for long."

"You know," Bobby said, "we didn't break up because we couldn't have sex…I mean, we could have, as you've proven with Wolverine, we—"

"I can't talk about this, Bobby," she said getting upset again. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to hurt someone you love with just a touch? I want so badly to be able to give him that—to give him what every other woman on the planet can do with someone she loves and I can't."

"You don't get it, do you?" Bobby said smiling again. He stood up. "It's not about sex, Rogue. A guy can get that anywhere." He walked off.

There was a meeting that afternoon with all the X-men. They reviewed all the information Nightcrawler and Wolverine had gathered on the anti-mutant group. They discussed their leaders and goals, and developed strategies for dealing with them. Logan didn't attend the meeting. She saw him afterwards in the hall talking to Professor X. He would not even look at her. He stormed out of the mansion. She heard his bike, looked out the window and watched him ride away.

_Author's note: Thanks for the comments and encouragement. It got me out of a nonwriting rut.  
_


	7. Chapter 7

She thought he'd left for Canada. No one had said that, but it's where he was planning on going next and about the right time. Rogue felt numb. She had been on a roller coaster with Logan. She was so happy the weeks she had spent with Logan. She had never felt so close to anyone or had as much fun. He was her best friend, and now he was gone again. That night, she laid down in her bed but couldn't sleep. She got up and went to his room. She crawled in his bed and fell asleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night, she heard the door open and saw the light from the hall as it splayed across the room. She rolled on her back. She was under the covers on the far side of the bed. Logan always slept by the door, whether they were in his room or hers. He shut the door and sat on the edge of the bed taking off his shoes.

Rogue's voice was barely above a whisper as she looked over at his back. "I thought you were in Canada."

His tone was sarcastic. "You would think that."

While she was pleased, at first, to see him, suddenly she wanted to yell at him. Of course, she would think that because it was highly likely. She started to say "you always run from me." It made complete sense for him to take off for Canada without her and return in three weeks and act like their relationship wasn't a big deal. She was prepared for that. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

He laid down in bed and stared at the ceiling. Several inches of space separated their bodies, miles separated their minds. "There's a few things we need to talk about before Canada, don't you think?" he said.

"Logan, I don't—"

"Stop," he said. "I need you to listen to me."

Rogue turned her head to stare at Logan. She could see his face from the security light that shone outside the window. He didn't look at her, just at the ceiling.

"I pushed you. I've been pushing you and maybe I was wrong about that." He looked over at Rogue and she nodded.

"What happened in the shower wasn't a big deal to me. I wouldn't care if it happened once a day."

Rogue threw her arms up and let them fall down hitting the bed hard. He refused to believe she could kill him. She looked away from him exasperated. "I can't—"

"Wait," Logan interrupted. She looked at him. "We aren't going to talk about this. I know what you're going to say. I don't agree, but I'm not going to fight with you. I shouldn't have pushed you—that I am sorry about. We aren't talking about the rest."

"How can we not talk about it?" Rogue said.

"We will later...maybe weeks later. Not now," Logan said.

"OK," Rogue said. She was so raw and hurt and emotional, maybe that was a good idea. Logan stayed on his side of the bed. He hadn't touched her or moved to touch her since he came in the room.

"I won't do that again. I won't touch your skin without gloves. I won't kiss you, if that's what you want. But you can't tell me—" Logan paused for a moment and his voice sounded shaky. "You can't tell me, I can't have you. You can't do that to me. I can't be here with you…in this house, in this room…hell, even in this state, if I can't touch you. Not after everything that's happened."

He was distressed and sounded sincere. He had never looked at her the way he was now. It took a moment for her to comprehend it. She recognized the look in his eyes. It was fear. She had never seen him afraid of anything. Everyone was afraid of touching her. He was afraid of not touching her.

She pulled the covers down and kicked them to the bottom of the bed, then she pulled the sheet up to her chin.

"Lay your head on me," she said.

He moved over and slid down in bed a little. His hand rested on her lower ribcage and he laid his head on her breast. He swung his leg over hers. He was breathing faster than normal. She reached around him with the sheet still covering her. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. She rubbed his back and shoulders and stroked his hair. She felt him shudder in her arms. She felt something damp on her chest and realized at some point he had had tears in his eyes.

"I love you, Logan. I love you so much," she said. She felt him nod his head.

"I'm sorry for what I did," he said. "Don't push me away."

She held him tighter. She wanted to tell him he shouldn't be sorry. He didn't do anything wrong. Everything about her was wrong. Part of her couldn't believe he still wanted her, after how she had hurt him, and knowing all their limitations as a couple.

He moved off her and sat up reaching into his nightstand and putting on his gloves. He pulled the sheet off her and stood up beside the bed. She was wearing a pink cotton nightgown.

"Take it off," he said. She stared at him. The light was bright enough for her to see his face. His eyes were dark. He was serious. She swallowed hard, then sat up on her knees and pulled her gown over her head. Feeling self-conscious and sexy at the same time, she crossed her arms in front of her bare breasts touching her shoulders. Her hands slowly stroked down the opposite arm to her stomach where she uncrossed them and hooked her thumbs in her panties and pulled them down. Logan's eyes never left her body. He reached over with a gloved hand and held her face, forcing her eyes to look at his. He stared into her eyes and smiled as he helped her lay down. He covered her with the sheet. She giggled when he covered her face, then felt his hands on her face and his lips on hers, kissing her through the sheet. It meant a lot to her. He pulled the sheet down and stared into her eyes again. Neither could break contact. His gloved hand touched her softly. Down her arm, across her chest, her stomach, gently caressing her body. His face stayed close to hers. She could feel his breath but he didn't touch her, his lips staying just above hers. She wanted him. He needed her. This time, when he made love to her, his eyes didn't leave hers. It was the most intimate act either had experienced. When he finished, she was shaking. He moved his face to the sheet covering her shoulder; she pressed a kiss against his muttonchop and held the back of his head.

"I won't run," he said. "I know I have…but that was before." She nodded her head, but couldn't speak.


End file.
